Dealing with Hecklers: A Comedian’s Survival Guide

Ah, hecklers. The human equivalent of a speed bump on the road to comedy greatness. You’re up there, giving the people laughter, joy, and a reason to put down their phones for five minutes, and BOOM—some dude named Chad, three drinks in, decides he’s the real star of the show.

Well, Chad, sit down. We’re about to talk about how I—and every other seasoned comic—handle people like you.

1. Know Your Heckler Types

Not all hecklers are created equal. Some are just overenthusiastic fans who think they’re “helping.” Others are bitter souls who hate their lives and take it out on you. And then, of course, we have the full-blown drunks, who have the comedic timing of a broken cuckoo clock.

The Supportive Heckler

This one means well. They shout things like, “I love you!” or “Tell the Chihuahua joke!” Sweetheart, I appreciate the love, but this isn’t karaoke night. I got this. The best way to handle them? A quick, “Thanks, Mom!” and move on.

The Angry Troll

They don’t like your joke, your face, or the fact that you exist. These people woke up and chose violence. A simple “Wow, someone’s still mad about losing their MySpace password” usually shuts them up.

The Obliterated Drunk

They have no clue what’s happening. You could tell them they just won the lottery, and they’d respond with, “Yeah but what about the aliens, man?” This is where the venue’s security team earns their keep.

2. Shut It Down—FAST

The key to handling a heckler is speed. You can’t let them take over the room. A sharp, funny comeback works wonders.

If they yell, “You suck!”

Try: “I know! My therapist and I talk about it weekly!”

If they slur out, “That’s not funny!”

Try: “Neither was your birth, but here we are.”

If they just start mumbling nonsense

Try: “Sir, this is a Wendy’s.”

3. Engage… or Evacuate

If a heckler is actually funny, I might play along for a second. But the moment they try to hijack the show? It’s over. I’ll either turn the audience against them (spoiler: they’re always on my side) or let security do their thing. Nothing kills a vibe faster than an unwanted drunk monologue.

4. The Ultimate Weapon: Silence

Sometimes, the best response is none at all. Just stare at them. Let the awkwardness build. The audience will turn on them faster than a Karen at a Starbucks with no oat milk.

5. Keep Your Cool

At the end of the day, a heckler is just an unpaid extra in your show. Don’t let them win. Stay calm, stay funny, and if all else fails—get the bouncers involved. Nothing’s funnier than watching a guy who just called you “unfunny” get dragged out while the crowd cheers.

And that, my friends, is how you handle a heckler like a pro. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a show to prepare for. And if any of you plan on heckling—just know, I came armed with comebacks and a mic that works way better than your vocal cords.

Stay fabulous, stay funny, and remember—hecklers are just open-mic comics who never got booked.