When Should I Give Up on a Joke?

Look, not every joke is gonna be a winner. If that were the case, Carrot Top wouldn’t still be lugging around a trunk of props like a divorced magician trying to get his stuff back from his ex-wife’s garage. Some jokes just aren’t meant to live past their first awkward chuckle—or worse, that silent vacuum where laughter should be but instead, you just hear your own self-esteem shattering like a glass dropped in a nightclub bathroom.

So, when should you give up on a joke? Here’s my highly professional, not-at-all-made-up, completely scientific approach.

1. The First-Born Child Rule

If your joke has been in your set for over a year and it’s still struggling, let it go. It’s like a first-born child in medieval times—if it’s not thriving by now, the village elders (aka the audience) have already left it outside the castle walls to be raised by wolves. Sure, you could tweak it, but at some point, you have to accept that it’s just not destined for greatness.

2. The "Did I Just Explain It?" Test

If you have to explain the joke after you tell it, you’re done. Comedy is like a one-night stand—it should be easy, fun, and no one should have to clarify what just happened. If your joke lands flat and you follow up with, “No, see, what I meant was…”—honey, that joke is already dead. Call the coroner.

3. The Audience's Facial Expression Says It All

If you tell a joke and the audience looks at you like you just announced you’re marrying your cousin, that’s a sign. There’s a special kind of silence that only a bad joke can create—it’s the kind that makes bartenders look away and comedians reconsider their life choices. If that happens three times in a row, burn the joke. Forget it existed. Pretend it was never yours.

4. The Groan Factor

A groan is not a laugh. Let me repeat: A groan is not a laugh. If you tell a joke and people respond like you just suggested pineapple on pizza should be mandatory, it might be time to move on. Some comics will say, “Oh, but at least it got a reaction!” No, sweetie, that’s like saying, “At least the plane landed” after a crash. We’re going for applause, not audible discomfort.

5. You’re the Only One Laughing

If you tell a joke and you’re the only one laughing, that’s a bad sign. It’s like when someone tells a “funny” story about their dog, but the punchline is just “and then he peed on the couch!” Okay…? What are we supposed to do with that information? If you’re laughing at your own joke and the audience is blinking in Morse code for help, it’s time to let go.

Final Thought: Know When to Hold ‘Em, Know When to Fold ‘Em

Comedy is like poker—sometimes you have a hand you think is great, but the second you put it down, everyone else at the table stares at you like you just tried to bet with Monopoly money. Don’t be afraid to ditch a joke that’s not working. If it’s meant to be, it’ll come back to you in a better form. But if not, send it off into the sunset and focus on writing something better.

And if all else fails—just add a fart noise. Works every time.